Today I have thought about writing to you again…since my last letter to You a lot of things happened, a lot of things which I want to forget about and to start again on the narrow road that leads to You. I am tired, My Lord, sometimes I feel like I will collapse, I cannot bear the invasion of sins towards me, I feel defeated and I fall. I live in a big world, I live among the creatures you have created, but, Lord, why do the people change? Why does a person need to fall?
I feel that the world doesn’t offer me anything, does not fill my heart with joy as You do, Jesus…and, do you know? It is hard for me and I cry, thinking that the tears will wash away my sins and the thoughts that besiege and trouble me. But I know one thing, Oh Good One! I know that You are with me, I know that you do not leave me not even when I fall down and you are with me and wait for my repentance, a true repentance, a sigh of the heart and a pain that will bring me back to You. Oh My Lord, I am thinking that I am weak and helpless and despair comes to my mind, I am thinking that once I have felt I do not have any hope for my salvation, but I am wrong, because I also know from You that if I repent and feel sorry for my sins I will receive forgiveness, and Lord, please, forgive me!
I told you in my first letter that sometimes I long so much for You, a longing that fills me, but You should know that I have also thought about my state of indifference that I show towards You when I am sinning and it hurts, because You do not treat me with indifference, You love me truthfully and You would do anything for my wellness. I am weak and helpless but, My Lord do not forget that I love you and that I am the creature of Your hands, I am not worthy, My Dear Savior, I am not worthy of the crumb of love that You give me. But I know that it is not only a crumb, but a big and infinite love that you have towards me and my fellows. I look around, oh Lord, seeing the people suffering and You see that the people suffer, but I ask you, Lord to lift the burden from their shoulders. I know how it is…Lord, today I am with you and I will always be…and I ask you something more, oh Good One…give me strength and love…that’s all!
Ttansated by Radu Iacob