My dears, I would like to talk a little about a subject which is quite interesting for young people: relationships and the way we build a friendship and a future family. This is the way it’s always been and this is the way it is nowadays, except that now the matter is maybe a little more serious: very many boys and very many girls are single. What is happening? Why do they keep being single when they could very well enter a relationship, or at least some of them could.
Mr. Virgiliu Gheorghe says that men nowadays have become effeminate and are no longer the strong responsible men they used to be and one of the causes is the industrialization and the increasing role of technology in our lives. While women, in their pursuit for a career, have become more masculine, taking on the responsibilities of men and becoming more aloof from family life and raising children. The situation is uncomfortable for both sides and neither feels fully fulfilled, on the contrary they go through major depression sometimes.
Men desire very feminine delicate girls who want to be protected and accept their love and protection. Unfortunately though, many girls have nurtured a self-sufficient attitude trying to prove that they are powerful and can manage on their own and that is why their strong dominating personality pushes men away.
Women desire very responsible men who are strong, aware and clearheaded. But unfortunately many guys struggle against bodily passions, they only work with the mouse and keyboard and don’t appear capable of bearing the brunt of a family. Their mind keeps wandering around and they find themselves at the age of 30 not knowing what to do with their lives.
This situation is understandable up to a point, both for girls and boys. Yet I think that out of 1000 single girls and 1000 single boys, at least a quarter of them can become friends and start to build something together.
I know, there is no accounting for taste! Girls wait for an elegant, romantic man, a problem solver, a loving man with a sense of humor who comes home early, etc. And boys wait for a beautiful passionate girl who makes a good housewife and is submissive, etc.
A dear friend of mine told me that she was waiting for the day when “she would fall in love so hard that the pillars of the sky would fall down on me”, paraphrasing Father Nicolae Tanase’s words.
I think that love at first sight and this crazy falling in love with someone is merely a great exception and by no means a rule. It is just a way for God to show us how we should get close to each other hadn’t we fallen into sin.
From my life experience, from talks I had with my friends, from what I’ve seen and heard, I can tell you that I don’t know any couples who met through love at first sight and an extraordinary attraction from the very beginning.
In most cases and this was the instance with the relationship with my wife Iulia, everything was built gradually, little by little, on the basis of a slight physical attraction. No fireworks. No major twists in our relationship. No burning with desire for each other, but slowly, increasingly better and upon an increasingly solid foundation.
Relationships must be built, they don’t come as a ready-made gift. You will never meet the ideal spouse overnight, you will only discover him/her after months or even years together when you will have realized you share the same perspective on life and a certain complementarity between the two of you, namely the key elements a family can be built on. Father Viorel from Chisinau said a few days ago: ”Make the ideal wife out of your woman! Make the ideal husband out of your man. This is what I did and I am married to the ideal wife now.”
But don’t change him/her in your own image and likeness, but according to God’s will. Always show them the mirror of God’s commands and tell them what you expect from them. Don’t try to mold them to your needs (valid or not) but in such a way that they will respond to the Lord Christ’s calling to a new life.
I’ve always pointed out to my friends that it would be a good thing both for boys and girls if they lowered their level of expectation regarding the other and started to build a relationship together. The more that time goes by, the longer the list of prejudice and expectations becomes and you find yourself at the age of 30 with nobody around you who even comes close to your mental picture, your imaginary template.
My dears, let us be more realistic.
Girls, Prince Charming will never come, trust me! I know many girls of a certain age and I can confirm this. Do accept invitations to go out for a juice from boys who don’t meet 100% of the requirements of your dream prince and you will be surprised to discover beautiful people behind your prejudice which surrounds him like a curtain.
Guys, most of the very beautiful girls are already taken and they are not easily accessible, stop dreaming of them or you’ll stay single for the rest of your lives. In addition, this kind of girls usually suffer from self-love, narcissism and one can rarely find a beautiful woman who didn’t make an idol out of her beauty. Turn your attention to girls nearer to you. You will see that you will place spiritual beauty above physical beauty in family life. What good is a beautiful woman who poisons your soul? And how delightful it is to have a simpler girl by your side but who fills your soul with joy every day.
In general, single girls past 25 start to panic, those past 30 become depressed and those past 35 feel like the battle is lost. Do everything you can right now and stop driving away the men/boys that God sends into your lives directly or indirectly.
Guys don’t panic as easily but, although they seem to manage better than girls, they suffer a lot too. In time, if they don’t get married, they fall into dark passions in the attempt to drown the sorrow of their loneliness.
My dears, I see so many single girls under 35 around me and just as many single guys. We keep complaining that God doesn’t send us the right person in our lives, but when someone shows up, we analyze them to pieces and draw the dry conclusion : “She/He is not my type!” and we leave them. After years of such endeavors we cry out to God that He is unjust and doesn’t help us. But we are not perfect and thus cannot claim perfection from others.
If we were humble like the Lord Christ urges us to be, if we saw our own mistakes and selfishness, we would cease to see so many flaws in the other person. Because the ugliness of our soul would make us see how beautiful our neighbor is. If we pursued nothing else but marriage as the purpose of each relationship since we were young, things would be very different.
Try to step out of your comfort zone! Give a chance even to the one you think is not the right person. Always talk to God in your prayer about the boy or the girl who came into your life. God’s logic often contradicts worldly logic and it might just be possible for God to have a spouse planned for you who doesn’t seem right according to your standards at the time, but who will actually prove to be the best choice in time.
Give up your prejudices! Spend time together, give the other a chance! Ask God to soften your petrified heart and be able to love the one next to you.
Theoretically, any man could love any woman provided he is connected to the Godly “source” of love. So any man could marry any woman because we are all called to love one another in a perfect way. I don’t believe in “the other half” concept, I only believe in God Who changes people’s hearts.
Please, do reconsider! There will come a time when you won’t have the same chance you have today to meet people! Overcome all the prejudices you hold against your neighbor and you will see that by changing yourself, the others around you will change as well.
If you truly want to start a family, make a sacrifice for your woman! Show her you are willing to give up a lot for her sake! Conquer her with your willingness! Communicate with her. Be persistent!
Guys, please be persistent! Girls like that. Many of those who are persistent gain time and manage to get a few face-to-face meetings when you can show her your affection.
Girls, please let guys court you. Accept them more easily without resisting them so much.
Bear with each other! We all have flaws. We all need each other.
Find out if you share the same perspective on life, if you can go in the same direction and especially if you can bear with each other’s flaws.
Start a family! Modest, small but lasting. God will come and strengthen your relationship and make it grow and bear fruit.
Get married! Have babies and you will see that the babies, the fruit of your love, will fill those gaps, those shortcomings in your family. With each new baby your family becomes stronger and your relationship more solid.
Start a family through sacrifice, modesty and humility!
Translated by Claudia
We are young and we often want to learn the mysteries of love, to love and to equally be loved. We give this much thought, actually we think about it most of the time. And one of the thoughts that occupy our mind quite often with regard to this matter… is kissing. Kissing our loved one.
It’s a shame though that we are not aware of the wretched environment in which we are taught to understand kissing, environment in which I myself was raised, of course, environment in which more and more young people are raised: the TV kiss.
We have seen many kisses over the years, especially on TV, some in cheesy movies, others in movies with brilliant stories. But all the kisses we have seen given with such gratuitousness, no matter how beautiful and constructive the love story in which they happened, remain a sin.
And a kiss like that is a sin because it is not sanctified by the mystery of marriage and moreover it is an adulterous kiss because many of the actors and actresses who play such parts are married to other people in their everyday life. No matter how ‘professional’ the kiss is, the sin is still committed, but what’s worse… is that it has an impact on our hearts. And we have partaken of their sin by watching it, so many times.
This is the way we have been taught to seek kissing at all costs, from the earliest age possible, to offer it without thinking what spiritual load and what significance it bears, thus disfiguring one of the most intimate and pure expressions of love and turning it into something sleazy, lustful and trivial.
It was only after I got married that I learned that kissing is not an affectionate act toward your spouse, but a communion of love, in the mystery of the Lord. That I harm myself when I seek kissing frivolously, because kissing is something intimate and profound, and not something superficial done in front of everyone. That for a kiss I must cleanse my lips with prayers and tears, that a kiss is not only related to the lips, but it is a union of the hearts… that the kiss is only meant for a family, for holy relics and icons. That it is not and will never be meant for the boyfriend (girlfriend) of two weeks or two months… but only for the spouse.
It is not until the innocent look of your child approaches your lips, it is not until his purity makes you see your own uncleanness, like in a mirror… that you realize that you are a notorious drunkard standing before a saint.
When you kiss the innocent forehead of your child, how can you not shudder and think that you bemire your own child with the uncleanness of your lips which have been tarnished over the years with so many curses, lies, inebrieties, which have lustfully kissed other lips than those of your child’s mother… and whatnot?!?
How can you not have twinges of your conscience which yells inside you ardently: ‘Holy kiss… where are you?’
There are still girls nowadays who want to kiss only their husband. There are still people who know that kissing is not just a simple touch of the lips, but a liturgical act, it is a mystic communion of two hearts.
Translated by Claudia
Many of us often ask ourselves the question: “Why he\she doesn’t love me?”. We are at an age when feelings burst in our souls even if we want it or not. OK….so far….we can say is nothing serious, right?
Is not sin to love. Is not sin to feel something for a person. It is important how we love. How we manifest this love…and how much we belive in it. Maybe is not the right “form”: “how much we belive in it” because God is love. He gives love to those who belive in His Word and His Power. Maybe some see love like a form of destiny, you go with the wind, you love, you don’t care about nobody and nothing stops you to continue this beautiful story. Others see love like an ATM, everything consists in the interest of the person. But just a few realize what is true love.
Love is not when the partner looks “hot”. Is not love when somenthing wrong happens and everything cleans out, everything disappear. No. The love between two persons comes naturally. Love…from my point of view, is prayer. It is a song of the heart…which you raise to Him. A no ending score of life in which you do nothing but love.
Well…you’ll say…how to not look good? Well then…where is that attraction…where is the pleasure? Well…you love from pleasure because the one next to you loves you too. The pleasure is just the intensity of the feelings, their power. Right here lies the desire from prayer. And if he doesn’t love me? You still love him!
For some, maybe is absurd to love without the other to feel something for you. For that reason, we do things that lead us to sin. We ambition more for the other to like us. The love statuses often used on Messenger, the hi5 with sad pictures, messages and letters…are just small aids to start a relationship. Really? Why some of the young people appeal to those and not appeal to a pray? Young people, love doesn’t come out through the internet. God doesn’t loves us just if we have internet. He loves us without conditions. This thing we must do too.
We don’t have to force things. The love between two persons comes naturally. The moment we try to “work” alone at a relationship, is possible to collapse all forever. Love comes when it is sent by God, at its time..not when we want.
A few years ago, when I was in high school I wanted a girlfriend, because I saw many friends having and it seemed so beautiful. I had a few girlfriends for a month or two but nothing more, and then entered a period where I didn’t met anyone. And the time passed and passed and I still thought that somebody will show-up in my life. In the evening when I was going to bed, although I didn’t know almost nothing about God, I was praying to the holy icon of Saint Paraskeva like I was praying to God, and I was asking God to give me a girlfriend. And I said: “Please God! Give me a girlfriend so that I love her and that she loves me.”
And the time was passing …
It’s been a month, two, three, half of year, a year. And yet, being a little disappointed, in the evening I was still praying, saying only this and nothing more: “Please God! Give me a girlfriend so that I love her and that she loves me.” This is all that I wanted, that was my relationship with God.
There have been two years, and although I was out almost every evening with my friends, and although we met with various girls, I didn’t have a girlfriend. Although I got along very well with girls and we were talking and feeling great, still I was lonely.
I came to college and I thought, maybe here I will meet someone, There were so many girls in my class, and only 5 or 6 boys.
I had some girls that I liked, but one day I met a girl from another class, that it seemed very nice and cute. She was simple and beautiful and she was very dear to me, but I thought she won’t like me. I invited her out second day of Christmas. She was at home with her parents and surprisingly she said „yes”.
I went out with her and we had a great time. Then we met again and again… we were together! Something weird was happening to me, it was the first time in my life when I was acting naturally with a girl, without trying to be funny, interesting or attractive, I was just me – Claudiu.
He liked me a lot and I liked her much.
Time has passed, we got married, we now have a baby of 3 months – Sofia, a miracle, and we are very happy.
God was listening to my prayers, God heard me yelling when I prayed …
I asked for something but He gave me more… much more.
I have some friends who were upset, as I was, that they don’t have a girlfriend although they have 20 years or more. They were desperate and unhappy, because in the past 4 or 5 years they didn’t meet anybody, and things seemed pretty obvious. But they were praying to God as they could, asking Him for a girlfriend. This is the only thing they wanted, a girlfriend, someone to love them, someone with who to be happy each day.
I was surprised when I saw that God make things in such manner that they met a girl when they expected less. I have four very good friends who a year ago did not have anyone, although they finished college and they were very disappointed. And now all four, have each one a girl. All four are happy and they know in their hearts that God helped them a lot, in a time when they were hopeless.
What can you do if you don’t have a girlfriend or a boyfriend? If I were you, I would pray to God every single night and every single morning, I would tease Him continuously until I get one. God always gives us much more than we ask. You just have to believe and to have a little patience and you will be very happy. Not a single prayer to God doesn’t remain without an answer and without help.
“So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Lk.11,9-10)