Lord, I have not written to You for ages! Since when haven’t I looked for You, since when have I left you? Since when is my soul so marred by sin? I do not remember You, God, neither my mind do not remember …
It’s such a long time since I am alone, since I have not felt that joy as when I used to pray to You. There are days, weeks, even months since I have found hundreds of concerns just not to have time for you.
It’s a place where I’ve left, a place in my heart where You are waiting and occasionally send me a sign that You have certainly not forgotten me. But how can I say this when You, God, have helped me so? All the time you stood near me and supported me unconditionally. On the street, my thought is only at the human problems, and to the Church, the hymns once so beautiful, no longer penetrate to the soul.
Rarely, when I read the Virgin Chapel, I remember my state and however I much I’d like, I can not return. I am so far from you, I have so many things to tell you…, I have so many, so very many things to thank you for: for giving me life, because I have the chance to enjoy my good and beautiful family, that I have friends, better or worse, yet there are so many things, God, for which I have to thank you. Because you helped me integrate into a group, because you stopped the temptation to smoke and other bad habits. When I made the sign of the cross I got peace and bad thoughts disappeared. I want my prayer not to be only a formal one, but to put and soul into it, to pray truly as a Christian and not like the Pharisees.
And I have one more thing that I must thank to You: because You gave one more chance to work to my father who was very desperate. He had no more power to move forward and the age of 57 hold him to the edge to work. But he read prayers and put soul in what he does, not like me, the sinner … You and Mother have given him a new chance. Thank you, Lord my soul so bespattered thanks you and not forgotten You at all … he is aware and will seek You, sooner or later. He will return with tears and apologize for all the sins that I have made.
I have this hope and truly believe that You will encourage me. You will help me to turn back on the right path, where I will find you, God, and where the voices of angels does not stop to glorify You and honor and praise for all the good that we are not worth. Amen.