When was my soul most cold, confused, weakened and exhausted because You had turned Your face away from me?
Oh, Lord… never turn away from me nor take away Thy Holy Spirit…
I have turned my face away from You and I have sent Thy Holy Spirit away from me…because, God, You have always been the same, You are and will be the same to every soul, in moment.
All the pain, the rottenness, the evil and the emptiness that comes from laziness, from not paying attention, from cold-heartedness; my soul…“anything goes”.
I’m stuck, God…because my soul desired all the joys, pleasures, Your good things and virtues I coveted, and I wished to have them as easy as it was to sin: “a pure heart”, “a righteous spirit”, “self control”, “humble spirit”, “broken and humble”, “the house of Israel”, “the house of Aaron”.
But, Lord, I am too lazy to come to You… too lazy to open my heart for You… too lazy to speak honestly to You. I am too lazy to answer You, because Your love, God, is sacrifice ! That holy Face pictured in countless icons… Behold the eyes of Your Saints, behold the sign of Your communion, behold their eternity…
Blessed are those who dwell in Thy House, for they will worship You forever. (Ps. 83)
He Who protects the children is the Lord, for I was down and He raised me. Return to thy rest, o, my soul, for the Lord has healed you”.