Adam, the forefather of the whole world, experienced, in the paradise, the sweetness of God’s love and that’s why, when he was driven out from paradise and he lost God’s love (because he sinned), he deeply suffered and with loud moan he was sobbing in the wilderness. His soul was tormented by a thought: “I sadden God, Who I love”. He didn’t feel so much regret for having lost the heaven and its beauty, but for loosing the love of God, that, in every moment and insatiably attracts our souls to God.
Every soul that met God through The Holy Spirit and, after that, he lost the grace, is passing trough the torments of Adam. The soul is ill and he experiences a painful repent when he upsets His Lord.
Adam was sorrowful and he was painfully sobbing and he didn’t like anymore the earth. He was longing for God, saying:
“My soul desires the Lord and I’m searching for Him with tears. How can I not search for Him? When I was with Him, my soul was happy and serene and the enemy didn’t approach me; but now, the evil spirit took over me and he disturbs and torments my soul, so my soul desires my Lord to the last and my spirit pines after God and nothing on this earth can bring me happiness. My soul doesn’t want to comfort itself with anything, but to see again the Lord. I can’t forget Him either for a minute and my soul is tormented; because of my of sadness I cry with sobs: “Lord, have mercy on me, Your fallen creature”.
In this way Adam was sobbing and his tears were falling from his face to his chest and then on the earth; his sighs were ringing out in the entire wilderness.
Animals were silent and grieved and they were crying. Adam was sobbing because of his sin the entire creation had lost the peace and the love.
Big was the Adam’s pain after his expulsion from the paradise, but when he saw his son, Abel, killed by his brother, Cain, his pain grew up and, with his tormented soul, he was sobbing and thinking: “Nations will rise and will breed after me and all the creation will suffer and live in enmity and the men will kill each other”. And his pain was deep as the ocean and it can be understood only by those humans whose souls experienced the Lord and know how much He loves us.
I’ve lost the grace too and now I scream with Adam: “Have mercy on me, Lord! Give me a humble and a loving spirit”.
Oh, love of the Lord! Who knows You is searching for You ceaselessly, day and night, screaming: “I yearn after You, Lord, and I’m searching for You with tears. You made me know You through The Holy Spirit and this awareness of God attracts my soul to search for You with tears”.
Adam had lost the mundane paradise and he was searching and crying: “My paradise, my wonderful paradise!” But, through His love, the Lord gave him, on the cross, another paradise, better than the first one, where is the Light of The Holy Trinity. What will you offer in return to our Lord for His love for us?
Silouan the Athonite – Between the hell of hopelessness and the hell of humility
Translated by Lazar Ioana