I woke up in the morning, and fell on my knees, praying … not too much … because I was not feel like praying. I had the same lifelessness and lack of desire to communicate with God that I have every day. Holy Spirit took the grace given to me, a new apprentice who had just discovered the church. My hopelessness led to a huge void in my soul. Once I came in contact with the world of faith, I felt inclined to go to church, to read spiritual books, to be a good person. I wanted to stay near God, but now it isn’t so anymore. Where? Where? How I lost my faith? Do I am so bad…? Have I really let devil enter in my soul?
Oh God, the same sins every day, the same sins that always afflict You. I’m aware… but what can I do? I cannot come back… or maybe I can. Will You forgive me, God? Will You receive me, the unworthy, with Your arms wide open?
You cannot find any place inside my soul to let your head on! I am weak, my soul is wounded by sins, splitted, and broken, my heart is chopped up by sadness and pain… I cannot see the Light of Truth anymore, but what can I see is the darkness, a hollow of sins! Help me, help me God because I cannot longer resist. I will backslide again and again … Oh! , my universe is “colored” in black….. my life is not life .. and I am no longer a human being…I am a slave of sin.
I am waiting for a sign; I am waiting for You, my dear Jesus. But how can I receive You as long as my life and my house is a mess? I annoyed, hated, gossiped and I envied all people around me … Oh God, if You want, help me change my way of thinking! I pray with all my strength and with the poor faith that I still have! And I know … I know You will not let me lose myself in the way of sin. God, You will come after me, won’t You? Will You come? … I will be waiting here; in the hollow of sins … I know You will not leave me! Thank You for being extremely good, thank You for your existence!
From the hollow of sin… there is a cry of despair to God!
With love, a sinner whose name does not matter…
Translated by Silvestru Bianca