Que est veritas? What is truth? Hmm…I think if you go into a city and put a big poster with this question on a building, it will come lot of scientists, psychologists, physicists, archeologists, biologists, anthropologists, paranormal activities researchers, UFO-logiest, spiritualists, wizards and, finally, Christians.
All of them have something to say about their own version of truth, the biologists with Darwin’s theory, the physicists with their Big Bang, UFO-logiest with their intelligent alien, the spiritualists with their pagan gods that may go hand in hand with the “aliens” and Darwin’s theory of evolution. And finally, Christians come with Christ.
I, personally, can’t say that I have true faith; it would be a lie if I said I believe in Christ and God with all my heart. But, can you blame me? When our world is full of nonsense and when my mind has been poisoned since kindergarten with such “theories” certified by some researchers from some labs in some “evolved” countries like England, Germany or the US?
When I turn on the TV on Discovery (usually Science), Animal Planet, and National Geographic or on other similar channels, which should give me real facts about the universe around me, all I can find is ash. This bunch of theories has made me feel grieved and strange in a way, lately.
Why should I be interested in what happened 100 million years ago at the time of dinosaurs if this doesn’t help me at all in my later life? Why should I be fascinated with the Big-Bang theory which supposedly formed the whole universe from a giant cloud of gas that has always existed (notice the sarcasm) and which suddenly exploded, forming galaxies, solar systems and stuff like that.
Why should I be delighted that the Human Being comes from a species of monkey, with sharp ears and short tails? Maybe I’m selfish, but all these theories of the “bright ones” make me feel as if I had no personality, like a worm, like an insect without conscience, which should accept its tragic faith, the faith that all things from this universe will go through extinction someday.
I sit sometimes and thought on how scientists don’t go crazy when they think about this destiny, about this cosmic sentence to which all the humanity is heading to. Aren’t they desperate when they think they’ll never see their loved ones again?
And then, all of a sudden, Christianity comes to make sense to this life, to give people a noble purpose. It clarifies completely everything in the universe; it shows us that we don’t have to carry the burden of this life alone, that we don’t have to freak out when we face a problem, that we shouldn’t fear death. Christianity gives us a Father (God), a brother (Christ) and a mother (the Holy Virgin), who take us away from the darkness and the wilderness of this world. Everything seems so wonderful, so fantastic to have God by your side; it’s similar to a fairytale, like the ones I used to read when I was a child. I somehow fear this is an illusion…I’m fed up with illusions. I want to be down on earth. I can be accused of believing in fairytales when I pray to God, when I don’t submit to this life, of being absent minded and weak.
When I start praying, always I have to tell myself that God is listening to me, that Christ is by my side. Always there’s “something” that stops me from believing with all my heart, just like Peter who started sinking when he walked on water. I convince myself with the words of the Church Fathers, of the Holy Apostles, with the ones who were cured of severe illnesses and of the ones who witnessed miracles, with the faith fathers Cleopa, Arsenie Boca, Papacioc, Sofian, Elefterie had (my grandpa, God rest his soul, went to the last one while he was alive and he met there people who told him, the father could tell your name and your deadly sins, even though he had never seen you before).
I think this last testimony, of my grandpa, is probably the closest to my micro cosmos, to my life. Should I believe in this, or the theories of the others? Could my grandpa have lied? Or, was he laid by a bunch of people hired by father Elefterie to tell the pilgrims that he performs miracles? Yes, I have these questions…horrible, right?
Could all those fathers have lied? Could the Apostles have been some fanatics who sacrificed their lives preaching the Gospel, knowing Christ hasn’t resurrected? Who dies for a lie? Did the Apostles really exist? All sort of questions that build up an immense concrete wall between me and believing in Jesus Christ with all my heart.
Maybe I don’t have enough information, maybe I should make more research before judging, I don’t know…
All I know for sure is that this modern civilization, the scientists’ theories, everything we are thought in school about the supreme truth of this life is against the ones who want to believe in Christ. I know this for sure because I felt it.