Sexuality

9 months in the same bed without making love

Because I saw that discussions on sexuality on this site are very intense and delicate, I would like to tell you some things from my life.

I used to have a strong desire to make it with a girl, starting from 16-17 years old, because of watching too much TV. I was seeing all sorts of pictures and little by little the desire started building inside me. I was in high-school, I had lots of energy, it was the period I started to feel free, when I was thinking that I could do anything and that the world is all mine. I went to an industrial high-school and 90% of the students there where boys and by the 11th grade, most of us didn’t have a girlfriend, so we usually talked about computers, cars, technology, airplanes etc.

We weren’t talking about girls in high-school too much because there were few there. Therefore not the high-school background had brought me in the state of wanting to make it with a girl, but the media (TV, computer, internet, press).

Every time I was making a girlfriend I thought that maybe the time for doing that thing would come, but after 2-3 months we would break up. I turned 18 and I hadn’t done it, I was a virgin and I entered college. There, unlike high-school, were many girls and I was hoping of getting rid of this “shame”, as I considered it then.

Until that age I had a few opportunities to make love, but always something would come up and nothing happened. At college I met a very beautiful girl with whom I got along very well. After a few months only we started talking about intimate relationship and I started pressuring her, I insisted on making this as soon as possible. Larisa, my girlfriend, had verbally surrendered and had promised me that we would do it during the winter holiday.

As winter approached I met God and started going to Church, I read many religious books and in short I began to wish to make love only after getting married. Larisa was pleased with this and she was happy that I wasn’t insisting anymore. She started coming to church with me, we found a priest whom we both confessed to, we received the Holy Communion, we started praying in the morning and in the evening and began living a Christian life.

We spend time at each other’s home, stayed in bed together and even if we sometimes touched each other more than it was allowed, we managed to refrain ourselves and we didn’t do anything. We wanted to get married. We were about to move in another city in September.

I talked to my parents to make the wedding as soon as possible before we moved so that we wouldn’t have to live together without God’s blessing, but they said time was too short and that it would be better to do it the following year. I insisted that we didn’t want something big, only the service at the church with family and closer friends, because the rest wasn’t so important. They were very determined, therefore we gave in and the wedding was planned for the following summer.

In September we moved in another city, rented a studio flat, got jobs and started our life together. I was very determined not to make love, although we were going to sleep in the same bed. Larisa agreed too and we thought that God had helped us too much until now, so that we would angry Him and make love.

We talked with our priest and he encouraged us by telling us to live in the same house, but like brothers and not to do anything wrong.

Days passed by, we would wake up in the morning, go to work, come back home and, in the evening, when we went to sleep, we would hug and kiss each other and fall asleep peacefully. We had been tempted, but we managed to resist. We felt God’s help very strong in our life. A few months later it became something natural, we didn’t find it difficult anymore, it was as it should have been.

The simple refrain from intimate relationships increased the attraction between us, we loved each other more and we comforted ourselves with the thought that we would soon get married.

Summer came and, after 9 months of sleeping in the same bed, our Lord Jesus Christ helped us not to make love. We got married, went into our honeymoon and since then and until today we feel God’s help in our life for that little sacrifice we made.

Larisa got pregnant after a while and our priest told us that until the baby would be born, we mustn’t make love. There were 7 months left until the baby was due to be born and we started to refrain ourselves. It was very easy for us because, morally speaking, we had previously had a bigger victory and now we had and extra reason: the health and holiness of our child, who was about to be born.

Today, after five years of marriage, Larisa and I can easily refrain from intimate intercourse, especially during the celebrations and the fasting periods, although, sometimes we make mistakes, we ask God for forgiveness and we try to redress ourselves.

We give glory to God for all the strength He has given us and for all the spiritual and earthly blessing He has poured forth on us. We only offered our will, He has given us the strength.

God help us all!

(Victor from across the ocean, in Canada)

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Discussion

4 thoughts on “9 months in the same bed without making love

  1. It’s sad when people feel the need to get married just so they do not feel guilty about wanting to make love… Making love is not wrong, it’s beautiful and right and natural. But just so you know, it was not Jesus that helped you not to make love, it was your own stubbornness in an archaic, obsolete belief. The Bible was written in a time when people were getting married at 12 so being a virgin on the wedding night was absolutely to be expected. People live in different times now, and since you live in a country that is way more civilised than your native Romania, I would have thought you would have found that out by now. Sad.

    Posted by Arya | September 7, 2011, 6:18 pm
  2. Hy Arya!

    The Word of God is more actual today then ever.
    It will always be.

    I’m sorry that I cannot answer you right now, because I have to leave.

    But I want to assure you that Christ helped me and my wife not to sin.

    Posted by Claudiu | September 7, 2011, 6:28 pm
  3. Hi everyone!

    Also, the Word of God is the same for all the people. Regardless of the degree of civilization in the society they live in (that, by the way, it’s rather subjective).

    In fact, I’m truly glad that Victor has not lost his healthy Orthodox beliefs.

    “a country that is way more civilised than your native Romania”
    As a Romanian, I feel offended by your remark, Arya.

    Posted by 4ndreea | September 27, 2011, 6:27 pm

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