It’s very easy for me to talk about seductive caresses, about those sweet touches between youngsters, because I’ve been through this myself. I have been tempted by them before starting going to Church, but also afterwards.
When I was younger, meeting and having a girlfriend, was a reason to run at my best best friend, Bogdan, to tell him about her. He was asking me “Have you kissed her?”. If I said “No”, it was considered just a date and it still took a lot of work until it was named relationship. The kiss represented the seal of the new start, it was the beginning of the relationship. Usually this happened at the first or second date. What would follow after this depended on the previous experiences you had.
Somebody once said a wise thing, is harder until you get to the first kiss, because after that, things can develop very quickly.
We easily found an occasion to watch a movie together, to come to my place, or to go to hers, to lie in bed, hug, to go to a party, or who knows what other moments in which we could get closer, in a physical way.
After I came to know God, these moments of intimacy were a real struggle for me. I knew that touching my girlfriend wasn’t a good thing and also that, as I was proceeding, it would be harder and harder to stop. The temptation was too big, her smooth skin was luring me more than I could stand…Sometimes I’d set limits in my mind and I’d say to myself “I will only touch her until there…from there on I’ll stop”…I had remorse, I felt that what I was doing wasn’t a good thing, but the devil whispered in my mind “If I touched her until here, it’s the same if I advance further, the sin is the same”.
I was finding reasons to convince myself that it’s not as bad as it seemed, because I failed to resist to the temptation and I committed the sin. A few moments later, remorse came and then the shame would invade me when I had to go to my spritual father and tell him what I had done. We hadn’t made love, but we did touch each other, far more than we should have.
The day to confess my sins came and I told the father what I had done, but without giving him details, I said only “father I have sinned” or “I have touched my girlfriend”. Once he really thought we had sex and he started to tell me the canon I had to do, so that I may heal for the sin I had done. I was sorry to have done thisand I always confessed this sin with the thought of never doing it again.
But when we were together, it happened again, we touched each other and I had remorse again, I used to leave very sad and on my way home I prayed God for forgiveness. I was feeling dirty and useless, the sin I had done was staying in the way for bagging forgiveness.
I sinned many times and each of those times, I was asking God to forgive me, sometimes I cried…I was sorry…I wanted to leave this sin but I wasn’t strong enough to resist the temptation from the devil, who was fighting me constantly. We didn’t make love, but I felt as if I had this sin in my soul. I used to remember what the Holy Apostle Paul said, that fornication it’s different from all other sins: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. ”(1 Co. 6, 18)
This battle has thought me what is repentance and has showed me how patient and merciful God is to our weaknesses. There were days when God punished me for what I had done and I had no doubt that the punishment was from Him. But most times when I had sinned, He forgave me. Sometimes I thought “I have sinned again, that means that tomorrow or the day after tomorrow the punishment would come”. But it didn’t.
My mistake was that I was trying to fight the temptation, believing, each time, that I would stop at a certain point…but I failed most times, although I was asking God for help in this battle. The solution is to run from the temptation and to avoid as much as we can the intimate moments. Instead you can go for walks, hang out with friends, go to a movie, or anywhere else.
We won in an end, by constantly avoiding those moments, doing something else. After a while we felt as if God had taken this sin from us. We spent time together but weren’t tempted to touch each other. We talked and comforted each other that we would soon get married and then, with God’s blessing, we would be able to express our love in a intimate way too.
It was a difficult battle from which I learn that Our Lord Jesus Christ doesn’t want us to try to fight the temptation alone and then asking for His help, but He recommends that we always ask the Heavenly Father: “and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil”.
It is a huge temptation even for youngsters who go to Church and don’t want to sin before marriage. The spell of this temptation is immense and who willingly tries it, may never get away from it.
It’s easier to avoid the battle than struggling to win it. The devil wants us to believe that this battle has to be won, but you win it by not taking part in it.
The sweetness of these seductive caresses will only kidnap the innocence of the relationship, of its beauty and normality, rushing it to a point where it should get to yet.
(Victor from Canada)