Special

Lord, “anything goes” doesn’t work for You anymore!

Lord, I think to myself: when was it the worst for me?!, so bad that I said to You: “You don’t help me, You don’t understand me!” (something that I myself didn’t understand!)

When was my soul most cold, confused, weakened and exhausted because You had turned Your face away from me?

Oh, Lord… never turn away from me nor take away Thy Holy Spirit…

I have turned my face away from You and I have sent Thy Holy Spirit away from me…because, God, You have always been the same, You are and will be the same to every soul, in moment.

All the pain, the rottenness, the evil and the emptiness that comes from laziness, from not paying attention, from cold-heartedness; my soul…“anything goes”.

I’m stuck, God…because my soul desired all the joys,  pleasures, Your good things and virtues I coveted, and I wished to have them as easy as it was to sin: “a pure heart”, “a righteous spirit”, “self control”, “humble spirit”, “broken and humble”, “the house of Israel”, “the house of Aaron”.

But, Lord, I am too lazy to come to You… too lazy to open my heart for You… too lazy to speak honestly to You. I am too lazy to answer You, because Your love, God, is sacrifice ! That holy Face pictured in countless icons… Behold the eyes of Your Saints, behold the sign of Your communion, behold their eternity…

Blessed are those who dwell in Thy House, for they will worship You forever. (Ps. 83)

He Who protects the children is the Lord, for I was down and He raised me. Return to thy rest, o, my soul, for the Lord has healed you”.

(Andreea L)

I am a bad person, change me God!

I woke up in the morning, and fell on my knees, praying … not too much … because I was not feel like praying. I had the same lifelessness and lack of desire to communicate with God that I have every day. Holy Spirit took the grace given to me, a new apprentice who had just discovered the church. My hopelessness led to a huge void in my soul. Once I came in contact with the world of faith, I felt inclined to go to church, to read spiritual books, to be a good person. I wanted to stay near God, but now it isn’t so anymore. Where? Where? How I lost my faith? Do I am so bad…? Have I really let devil enter in  my soul?

Oh God, the same sins every day, the same sins that always afflict You. I’m aware… but what can I do? I cannot come back… or maybe I can. Will You forgive me, God?  Will You receive me, the unworthy, with Your arms wide open?

You cannot find any place inside my soul to let your head on! I am weak, my soul is wounded by sins, splitted, and broken, my heart is chopped up by sadness and pain… I cannot see the Light of Truth anymore, but what can I see is the darkness, a hollow of sins! Help me, help me God because I cannot longer resist. I will backslide again and again … Oh! , my universe is “colored” in black….. my life is not life .. and I am no longer a human being…I am a slave of sin.

I am waiting for a sign; I am waiting for You, my dear Jesus. But how can I receive You as long as my life and my house is a mess? I annoyed, hated, gossiped and I envied all people around me … Oh God, if You want, help me change my way of thinking! I pray with all my strength and with the poor faith that I still have! And I know … I know You will not let me lose myself in the way of sin. God, You will come after me, won’t You? Will You come? … I will be waiting here; in the hollow of sins … I know You will not leave me!  Thank You for being extremely good, thank You for your existence!

 From the hollow of sin… there is a cry of despair to God!

With love, a sinner whose name does not matter…

Translated by Silvestru Bianca

Do you want to see what you are without God?

If God’s kindness left me, I would remain an old man, completely sinful; the sins that had began in my youth and a part of them still exist in me, and I would be all in darkness, impurity and rottenness. But the goodness of God cleans me, blesses me, lights me, embalms me and adorns me ceaselessly. Thanks God for this!

(St. John of Kronstadt – Latest notes)

I see in my imagination, with eyes of the heart, how my heart breathes Christ Himself in, how He enters into it, bringing, suddenly, peace and sweetness. I will not miss you, Lover of people, You are my breathing and my joy! I am sick without you.

(St. John of Kronstadt – My life in Christ)

When the devil is in our heart, we feel something like a deadly weight, unusual, a flame in chest and heart; our soul feels that something crushes and darkens him; everything annoys us; we feel disgusted against every good deed, misinterpret every word and every gesture of others towards us. We see bad actions against us, made with evil intentions, we see an injury of honour and thus we cherish that deep deadly hatred and thought of anger and revenge. “By their fruits ye shall know them”. There are days when the evil spirit troubles me too.

(St. John of Kronstadt – My life in Christ)

Letter from prison

A letter from Valeriu Gafencu (known in Romania as the Saint of Communist jails) sent to his mother and sisters.

„I am in a state of a constant spiritual joy. Love waves were poured into my soul. Only those who had lived such moments can understand them. Having God in my mind, I keep all of you in my heart with the most beautiful hopes that flourished in my soul after so many years of big and happy suffering. What greater joy can a man live in this world than the feeling that you serve the Good and the Love, being conscient of your sinfulness and nothingness?
Lord! What good have I done in this life for You to send me so many joys, for You to offer me Your love and care that has never left me?
How happy I would be if the joys of my soul came up in your hearts!

I want to know you as pure, with kind souls, gentle, lovely, peaceful, happy, decent, obedient, faithful, hopeful, modest and healthy girls.

Live a simple life, as simple as possible. Participate with your lives to the simplicity and beauty of the nature. Dress you modestly and cleanly. Make yor dresses lenghty, below your knees.Your shoes must have their stocks as low as possible. Don’t use make up. How beautiful are natural girls. Don’t paint your lips or your cheeks for any reason.

Keep you pure as God created you because the inoncence is a true beauty and a thing of great value. Don’t go to proms. I ask you for so many things, so queekly. In reality, i’m not asking you for more than being an example of decency and Christian perfection.

Beware from bad friendships, because the sin is being transmitted little by little.

I urge you with all my soul on a Christian life.

Think that nobody in this world would desire your happiness more than i do.

My dear and good mother, I ask you with all my heart, watch for the soul of my precious little sisters. Urge them you to a christian life too, a life that God desires. I always pray for you. I’m waiting, peacefully, for the happy day when i’ll be again with you.

In the prison life, I took big decisions of pure life and total dedication. I don’t want to live for me anymore…

I will be very happy if this Christmas you, my mother and my sisters Valentina, Norica, Zunea come to see me. It will be wonderful.

I’m with you and I kiss you,

Valeriu…”

Letters from Teddy

While she was in front of the children in the fifth grade, in the first day of school, Mrs Thompson told them an untruth. Like most of the teachers, she told her pupils that she loves all very much. However, this thing was not possible, because in the first place, immersed in his bank was the little boy named Teddy Stallard. Mrs Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play with the other children, his clothes were untidy and he was dirty almost all the time.

And Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point that Mrs Thompson loved to write on his works, with a thick red pen, a big and bold X and to give him an F. At the school, Mrs Thompson had to review all the pupils characterizations and this time she left Teddy intentionally last.

However, when she reviewed his file she was very surprised to see that the first grade teacher wrote: “Teddy is a bright child, he makes his homework carefully, is mannered and it is a pleasure to be around him”. Second grade teacher wrote: “Teddy is an excellent pupil, appreciated by his collegues, but he is troubled by the fact that his mother is suffering by an incurable disease, and his life at home must be very hard.” The third grade teacher wrote: “The death of his mother had affected him greatly.  He had struggled a lot, but his father is not interested in him, and the climate from home will affect him soon, unless something changes.” The fourth grade teacher wrote: “Teddy is withdrawn and not interested in school any longer. He doesn’t have many friends and sometimes fall asleep during the classes.”

By now, Mrs Thomson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought Christmas presents, tied with beautiful ribbons and packed in bright paper. Less Teddy. His gift was packed with ordinary brown paper. Mrs. Thompson hardly opened it in front of the others. Some of the students started to laugh when she found a bracelet with some stones missing and a bottle one quarter full of perfume. She argued when observed that the bracelet was nice and the perfume smelled nice and beautiful. Teddy Stallard stayed after school that day just to say: “Mrs. Thompson, today you smell just like my Mom.”

After the children left, she cried for about an hour. On that day she ceased to teach reading, writing and arithmetic and began to teach students.

 Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind began to recover. The more she encouraged him more often, the more he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest students in the class, and, despite her lie that she would love all the same, Teddy became her favourite student.

A year later, she found a letter from Teddy saying that she’s the best teacher he ever had. Another six years have passed until she got another note from Teddy. He wrote that he had finished third in the high school class, and she remained to him the best teacher he had ever met. Four years later, she received a letter saying he would end soon the university with the best results. Once again he assured Mrs. Thompson that she was the best teacher. Then four more years passed and another letter came with the same message but the sender’s name was changed: Dr. Theodore Stallard.

Then another letter that announces that he will marry.

He said that his father died a few years ago and asked if she wanted to attend the wedding and  to stay in the place in which is typically the groom’s mother. Sure she did. And she wore the bracelet with some missing stones and used the same perfume that she long time ago received from Teddy. They hugged and Teddy whispered to her ear, “Thanks for believing in me. Thanks for making me feel important and showing me that I can mean something”.

Mrs. Thompson whispered with tears in her eyes “Teddy, you misunderstood. You’re the one who taught me that I can change something. I hadn’t known how to teach until I met you.

MORAL:

You can never know how life can influence others by what you do or by what you do not do. Keep this in mind in your journey through life and try to change something in the lives of others (and would be ideal if this would be in a good manner).

And do not forget!

Nobody has the right to look from high to another person, but when he bends and stretches a hand to help him to get up.

Holy Mother, I want to change, to become a better person

“Thank you, Merciful Mother for the love you have offered me, the unworthy. There are no words that could describe your infinite goodness. A single prayer to you was enough and You, in that same moment, filled my soul with a joy that wasn’t earthly. I found Your Son again into my heart, but I was shy to go close to Him, I almost didn’t dare to lift my sight towards Him because of my sins, as He is Allhigh and I lay in the chasm of mistakes. I found Him again after a long time, we had been separated, a wall had been between us, the wall of my sins. Then, I understood that life away from God is the truest hell.

But I also understood that Your Son allows all of this because of a purpose.

So, even the downfalls have their sens. This long time away from Him has helped me to regain a beam of humbleness, for, I admit, I was too proud before. And now I know that we have to thank God even for the falls and then rise and move on.

Oh, Holy Mother! I am so glad that instead of looking at my sins, You have gifted me with too many good things, more than I could have ever expected.

Most pure Virgin, teach me to thank You as I should for the love You offered me and for taking care of me. Today I have come back to Your beloved Son and, falling at His feet, I said nothing, I didn’t dare to. Only He knows what He has endured for my sins, I know He is upset on me, that’s why I haven’t talked to Him.

But I’m asking You, Virgin Mary, for that You are His beloved Mother and He listens to You: pray to Him for me, so that He forgives me; to absolve me from the burden of my sins and to dwell into my heart, lighting it with His divine Light.

Once I have found Jesus, I don’t want to lose Him anymore. Holy Mother, I want to change and to be a better person. I want to live forever in Jesus’s light and have Him in my heart everywhere and at any time.

Holy Mother, don’t leave me!”

(Natalia)

God’s Tears

I was looking at an icon of the Savior today. It is an icon that has cried. In fact, Christ’s very eyes have cried and, as a testimony, His tears appeared on the painted face as well.

What grandeur on our Lord’s face! What glory! What holy silence! And upon this silence tears were shed,… tears which stopped on his cheek, tears which cry out to us.

They call us gently by our names, they call us to watch them and not to pass by without wiping at least one…

I asked with grief: “Why are you crying, Lord?”

But I know the answer too well: God, with His Fatherly heart, saddens just like a parent forgotten by his children. He sees us running around in this world like lunatics, tired, sunk into despair, forgetting that He is waiting to give us rest in His fatherly arms. We rummage through mire with our hands, we grope in the darkness, forgetting about the heat and the light that He is longing to share with us. We keep staring at pain, forgetting that our God heals. We are afraid of death, forgetting that Christ is life.

And I asked Him again: “Why are you crying, oh Lord my God?”…

But I already know that His tears are shed on my account, too. I strike Him, the Sinless, with my sins. I hurt Him, the One full of love, with my lack of love. With my oblivion, I sadden Christ, the One Who always takes care of me.

If we, the people, rejoice when our beloved ones rejoice and we sadden when we see them suffer, how shall we pass by His tears with indifference?

At least once a day we could direct our look towards Him. If we only understood with what love and patience Christ is waiting for us to talk to Him, we would try to say at least one word to Him every day. If we only knew with what grief His tears are shed, we would try to wipe at least one with a piece of our soul.

Endeavor

I collected in my eyes all the sky with its cloudless and the birds who were flying on it. Also, I collected the seaside with its deep and the mountains with its height. I collected in my hair smell of golden hay and the coolness of a spring flowing in the middle of the summer on my lips.

I collected all heart songs under the view of angels, in the middle of the Liturgy and on my lips I picked blue light drops who rise on the icons.

I collected in my lap the nobility of the lilies and the humbleness of the snowdrops. On the top of my fingers I collected the shyness of the poppies who were in the crop field. I collected all the blessing of the rain fell on a dry street of a village.

I collected all the stars of the sky and I gathered burner light of the sun. I gathered all the wind in my coat and in the pockets of my coat I collected smooth rustle of leaf. I gathered, in the swing of my heart the silence of the day who goes. I collected in my eyes the gently light of the full moon who rules silent over the world deepened in sleep.

I gathered all the miss of a heartache and all the tenderness of a caress. I gathered all the shyness of a tear wiped in secret, I gathered the purity of the eyes of children and I collected their smile.

I gathered all the sweetness of the spring and the white of apple flowers.

And I put all that I gathered under your eyes, oh, world!… and I cry trembling because none of them or all together can tell all the beauty of Christ!

(Talita)

“Some friends are forever” by Laurieann Kelly

“Some friends are forever” by Laurieann Kelly

“Sometimes in life,

You find a special friend

Someone who changes your life

By being a part of it……..

Sometimes you find a friend

Who makes you laugh

Until you can’t stop

Someone who makes you believe

That there really is good in the world.

Someone who convinces you

That there is an unlocked door

Just waiting for you to open it.

This is forever friendship.

When you are down,

And the world seems dark and empty,

You forever friend lifts you up in spirit

And makes that dark and empty world

Suddenly seem bright and full.

Your forever friend gets you

Through the hard times, the sad times,

And the confused times.

If you turn and walk away,

Your forever friend follows you

If you lose your way,

Your forever friend guides you

and cheers you on.

You forever friend holds your hand

 and tells you that everything is going to be okay.

And if you find such a friend,

You feel happy and complete

Because you need not to be worry.

You have a forever friend for life,

And forever has no end………..”

When someone loves you!

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.”Billy – age 4

“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” Karl – age 5

“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” Chrissy – age 6

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” Terri – age 4

“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” Danny – age 7

“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss” Emily – age 8

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God’s tears

Today, I was looking at an icon with our Lord, Jesus Christ. It is an icon who has cried. In fact, there was ours Lord Jesus Christ eyes who cried and as evidence, his tears can be seen even on the painted icon.

Such greatness in the face of our God! Such glory! Such holy silence! And over this silence tears have coursed … tears that have stopped on His cheek, tears that calls us.

He calls us by name gentle; He invites us to look and not to pass along without even caring.

With pain I asked: “Why are you crying, Lord?”

The answer, I know it too well: God, with the heart of a father is sad like a parent forgot  by his children’s. He sees us running crazy through the world, tired, worried and, forgetting that He is waiting us to rest in his arms like a parent. We sink  into the mud with our hands, walking in the dark, forgetting the heat and light that He wishes to share with us. We stay in pain, forgetting that our God heals. We are afraid of death, forgetting that Christ is life .

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